Those Advice from My Parent That Helped Us as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the reality rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to open up amongst men, who still internalise negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."